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Fate, Accident, Choice?

By Roya Monajem, Tehran


It is as though everything in my life worked in such a way as to prevent me from becoming not only an ideal, a hero, an artist, a scientist, but even an exemplary daughter, mother, woman, not even an ordinary human being.


And to remain the same old wanderer who doesn't know who and what she is, where she comes from and where she goes; and cries and mourns eternally for her 'ego,' 'self,' for human being, for our beautiful blue planet, the Mother Earth.


And to eternally wash myself in the mirage of happiness and joy and ecstasy.


And to fail to take a long refuge and rest under any Tree of Life, from Zoroaster to Buddha, to Christianity, Islam and all other religions, from any kind of spiritualism to philosophy, science and art.


And to remain floating in the dark stormy sea of mental nihilism, on a broken piece of wood, alone, fearful and thirsty, always complaining, rebellious, eternally in suspense, waiting.


Waiting for?


Freedom, understanding, love and ecstasy.


And incapable of letting go of this one idea, that there is no Redeemer, Liberator, except Love of liberation, emancipation, redemption.


For the more I free myself from both the profane and the sacred, from the earthly attachments, hand in hand of religious, philosophical, mental beliefs, the more I experience Love of Existence. And the more reliable and safe becomes that broken piece of wood, that might very well be the same thing that some call faith, and some, love, or trust, or surrender and/ that dark stormy sea of nihilism.


And simultaneously I come to realize and experience with my own flesh and blood the fact that human beings have such a small capacity for joy, love and freedom.


And the need to travel through the mystical Seven Cities of Love and the heroic Seven Khaan (Ordeals) of Rostam (the greatest Iranian legendry hero) and the inevitable necessity of experiencing innumerable pains and sufferings in life are nothing except the means to increase that capacity.


The bowel should be emptied before getting re-filled with fresh and new.

... Payvand News - 12/17/03 ... --

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