The secret is finally out. In 2003, the world finally discovered the Iranian women, something that the Iranian men had discovered thousands of years ago! The purpose of this article is to discuss the progress of Iranian women in 2003 and its local and global consequences in the hope of saving the beautiful planet earth from a catastrophe that’s in the making!

In September 2003, Shirin Ebadi was announced as the winner of Nobel Peace Prize. The Iranian women welcomed the news with great enthusiasm. The Iranian men had no choice but to follow suit! Over 10,000 women poured into Tehran’s Mehrabad airport to welcome Ebadi returning from France. Men were nowhere in sight! The rest of the Iranian women had gathered in their neighborhood’s alleys, parks, and mosques plotting their next move. Millions of Iranian men on the other hand were sheepishly hiding in the safety of their homes thinking about the consequences Ebadi’s award and what it may do to their fragile existence!

Shirin Ebadi

When the Iranian men were first confronted by the potentials of the Iranian women around 2000 BC or so, they had no choice but to quietly submit to their rule. Based on an implicit agreement, the Iranian men were allowed to enjoy the symbolic leadership roles and play the roles of the king, minister, priest, etc. The Iranian women, on the other hand, took over the control of all that really mattered: the household, all financial affairs, family affairs including arranging marriages and divorces, and so on.

This allowed the Iranian men and women to live together “happily” for thousands of years without any real issues, except perhaps for the deep psychological scars carved into the men! But the 1979 Islamic revolution disrupted this peaceful coexistence.  This is when the Iranian women suddenly decided to cover themselves in a cloak of secrecy also referred to as the veil. Since then the Iranian men had been wondering what the Iranian women were up to? What did they have to hide that required covering themselves with the veil? What were they plotting?

Well, wonder no more! The plot has finally hatched. The truce between the Iranian men and women has finally ended. Evidence clearly shows that The Iranian women are no longer content about controlling all meaningful levers of control, and they are now making a go at the symbolic leadership roles of the Iranian men, without which these men will lose all remaining desire to go on. When Ebadi declared that Iranian women want to become president, this sent shivers through what’s left of the spines of every Iranian man! The men saw the end in sight.

But the plot did not stop there. In December 2003, Nazanin Afshin-Jam became the First Runner-up in Ms. World 2003 competitions. The Iranian women had shipped Nazanin to Canada right after their secret operations began in 1979. Nazanin was to be groomed for the top woman post in the world, away from the watchful and fearful eyes of the Iranian men. Now she has come out as planned to inflict another blow to the Iranian men. Another great job indeed!

Nazanin Afshin-Jam

But if you think the Iranian men are becoming paranoid about this, think harder. The plot is getting ticker as we speak. Now it’s Hollywood’s turn for the Iranian women to conquer. The New York Film Critics Circle just handed Iranian woman Shohreh Aghdashloo its Best Supporting Actress award for her role in the newly released movie The House of Sand and Fog; and she is now being talked as an Oscar nominee!

Shohreh Aghdashloo

Shohreh, like Nazanin, was obviously on a mission when she was secretly sent to California after the revolution. Her assignment was capturing Hollywood for the Iranian women! You have to admit the Iranian women are smart in knowing that one who controls Hollywood controls the world!

There are many more examples of how the various aspects of this plot are in the works. These are all pieces of the puzzle. One only has to connect the dots to realize the scope and magnitude of this plot.

Samira Makhmalbaf has been sweeping awards in film festivals around the world. She is now joined by her little sister Hana! Also, Mehrangiz Kar won the Ludovic Trarieux Prize Winner in 2002; but she should be mentioned here because the awarding of the prize in 2002 instead of 2003 seems to have been due to a clerical error!

Samira Makhmalbaf

In 2003, news also leaked out about the plans of Iranian women to climb the Mount Everest. And by now they must have established several camps on top of the Himalayas. This is another clear evidence of the intentions of the Iranian women to be on top of the world.

Today the situation for Iranian men Iran is graver than ever. They are being deprived of the most basic needs such as education. Reports from Iran indicate that the Iranian women are taking over universities without slightest considerations for the rights of men. If this trend continues, all Iranian men will soon hit the glass ceiling at high school diploma! But evidence indicates the glass will fast be pushed down even further and a day may come very soon when women will prevent men from attending schools altogether as they view education the biggest source of moral corruption for men!

So what are the ramifications of this plot for the whole world? So what if the Iranian men lose their last remaining hope?

It is understandable if the men in the Western and Eastern countries may show little sympathy for the Iranian men. After all for thousands of years the Iranian women have successfully portrayed us as tyrants and such. So maybe this is payback time for the Iranian men! But maybe, just maybe, the Iranian men are the real oppressed people here! Shouldn’t we at least look at the facts very closely? Why not send a special UN delegation, for obvious reasons comprised of only men, to investigate the humiliating living and working conditions of the Iranian men? The joke in Iran, among the men of course, is that it’s taken years for the world to find out that Iran has WMD. This the Iranian men have known for thousands of years, but all their calls for help from the outside world to bring these Women of Men Destruction under control has gone unanswered, thanks to the successful smearing campaign of the Iranian women of course!

But now time is running out. If the destructive force of the Iranian women is released on a global scale, as it’s evident from the events of 2003, it’s not only the Iranian men who would lose it all. The whole men population of the world better start packing for Mars! Unless of course they are happy to fully submit to the women, of the Iranian kind specially!

The men of the West and East may have more reason to doubt the Iranian men of course. They may ask why there hasn’t been any attempt by the Iranian men to rid themselves of this WMD? Why there has been no revolt against the women all these years? Fair enough questions! For our defense, all we need to do is ask you to is to take a closer look at the pictures of Shirin, Nazanin, Shohreh and Samira:

If you can stare at them for one or two minutes and not be mesmerized, hypnotized, mystified, paralyzed… then we Iranian men deserve everything. But if you do become all these nice things and more, please don’t ever again look at any Iranian woman, as the more you look at them the deeper you fall. And you do realize of course that we have to look at the live versions, day in and day out. Needless to say, we’ve fallen so seep that we can’t even take our eyes off of them! But we really don’t deserve this, and we recognize the fact that we need help…

So while we the Iranian men are waiting for the world to finally hear our cries for help and to come to our rescue, we don’t have any choice but to declare loud and clear, and in bold letters:

Congratulations to the Iranian women for their great achievements in 2003! We are truly proud of you!

About the author:

Ali Moayedian is an Iranian man who lives, happily of course, under the reign of his Iranian woman!

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